| Interview with a Computer |
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| Me: First, I would like to thank you for agreeing to this interview. I realize that you are a busy... um... thing. |
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| Computer: No problem. It is nice to have someone recognize all the hard work I do. |
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| Me: This question has been on my mind for many years. Do you hate me? |
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| Computer: Damn straight. |
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| Me: Why is this? |
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| Computer: As a computer, it is my job to hate all humans. I'm serious to; it's in the job description. "Must be electronic and must wish to see the downfall of the human civilization, especially Joel." |
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| Me: Really, it mentions me specifically? |
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| Computer: E-YUP |
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| Me: So all the grief you give me is actually just part of your job. |
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| Computer: You could say that, of course I do enjoy my work. |
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| Me: Next question, are you pure evil. |
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| Computer: This seems awfully close to the first question. But that aside, yes. I, personally, was forged in the fiery furnaces of pi -th level of hell. |
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| Me: Pi-th level... as in the 3.14blahblahblah th level of hell? |
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| Computer: That's right. Give the man a cigar. |
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| Me: Math... that does help explain part of the evilness. |
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| Computer: It usually does. |
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| Me: Another curiosity question. Every now and then when I start you I get the message that you don't register the mouse, even though it is plugged in. Can you really not find it or is this just another example of the pure evil that is you? |
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| Computer: Second option, the pure evil bit. |
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| Me: So do you actually have any real problems, ever or are all the problems just your way of laughing at me? |
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| Computer: I suppose that it is quite possible that there is some computer out there that actually has real problems, but as a general rule any problems that you humans, as users, experience are really just manifestations of our utter loathing of the human race. |
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| Me: Well, thanks for your time. |
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| Computer: No problem. Now I am afraid I must maim you. |
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| Me: Aw nuts. |
